kjbsd

Unworthy of anything

Over thinking. Lack of self-respect. Fear of solitude. Three ghosts that have been haunting me since... don't really know. Indecision, not knowing what I want... when I unconsciously become my biggest obstacle. How do I prevent this? Wish I could get over this and do the way I please... but then I end up pleasing other and betraying myself. Every single time. I wish I could be more selfish. Simply not giving a flying fuck about shit. Make the world spin around me. But... how? Am I condemned to be a coward forever? It is easier to just give up instead of fighting for what I long... but, isn't it worth the risk?

 This year, I ask for one thing: Strength to overcome my fear of failure.

Pic related:

NETR.

Anger issues.

Lately, I'm having trouble trying to manage my anger. I get pissed off easily. Moreover, I'm so pissed off right now. I'm even a bit concerned about my mental wellness... shit, sometimes I think I may go nuts. The tiniest thing makes my blood boil. Around my friends, I sound even more cynical and sarcastic than usual. I argue with them sometimes, because I think they secretly laugh at me. I don't like talking to my parents and when I do, I tend to speak louder than necessary. I feel anxious and I often enjoy taking long walks, sprinting very very fast or, if I have the chance, hitting stuff. I often find myself fantasizing about picking fights with people... I stopped caring about others, hell I've just noticed how many times I wrote the word "I". Seriously, I don't know WTF is wrong with me...

I'd like to think this is all HER fault... but I'm afraid it's not. Something has awaken inside of me... and I'm a bit scared of it. Maybe I'm not the good guy I always thought I was.

Pic related: It's how I feel.

NETR.

If I am Lolita...

... then you are a criminal scum.
... then I am a glorious winged faggot.
... then you are a pedobear.
... then fuck you.
... then I am 12 years old, and what is this?
... then underage b&.

NETR.

BAOBAB

NETR.

Rage.

This is what I feel right now.

I'm always the good guy. The one who's always there for you. The one who listens to your problems and your worries. The one that tries its best to help you. Who always avoids upsetting and confronting you. Who will do anything you want for you... Like a fucking DOG. Don't know why but... this is how I am. No matter how hard I try, I'm always scared. Of what? Confronting people, being hurt... Why am I so scared?


But not today. Today is my day. Just for me. Now, it's time for you to be my dog.

NETR.

30 days, 30 songs (2012)

I'm doing this list every year, so I can check how my musical preferences change through time.

Día 01 - Tu canción favorita. : Whispers in the Dark - Skillet
Día 02 - Tu canción menos favorita.(De tus favoritas la menos favorita). : Aggressive Music for Aggressive People - Rapvívoros
Día 03 - Una canción que te haga feliz. : Je veux - ZAZ
Día 04 - Una canción que te ponga triste. : Querer - Cirque du Soleil
Día 05 - Una canción que te recuerde a alguien. : Hero of War - Rise Against
Día 06 - Una canción que te recuerde algún lugar. : Rock & Roll - Skrillex
Día 07 - Una canción que te recuerde un evento en especifico. : Livin' on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Día 08 - Una canción de la que te sepas toda la letra. : Hollywood Whore - Papa Roach
Día 09 - Una canción que bailarias. : Soy un Trolaso - El Bananero
Día 10 - Una canción que te haga dormir. : Réquiem - W. A. Mozart
Día 11 - Una canción de tu banda favorita. : Over and Over - Three Days Grace
Día 12 - Una canción de la banda que odies. : UEOH! - Los Mojinos Escozíos
Día 13 - Una canción que sea un gusto culposo. : Mariah - Juan Magan
Día 14 - Una canción que nadie espere que te gustara. : Powerpuff Girls, Ending
Día 15 - Una canción que te describa. Black Sabbath, Iron Man
Día 16 - Una canción que llegaste a amar, pero ahora odias. : Chop Suey - System of a Down
Día 17 - Una canción que escuches seguido en la radio. : Give It Away - RHCP
Día 18 - Una canción que desees que se escuche en la radio. : Give It All - Rise Against
Día 19 - Una canción de tu álbum favorito. : Hero - Skillet
Día 21 - Una canción que escuches cuando estas feliz. : The Entertainer - Scott Joplin
Día 22 - Una canción que escuches cuando estas triste. : 5ª Sinfonía, 1º mov. - L. v. Beethoven
Día 23 - Una canción que te gustaría bailar en tu boda. : Fly me to the Moon, Frank Sinatra
Día 24 - Una canción que quieras que suene en tu funeral. : Allegri, Miserere mei, Deus
Día 25 - Una canción que te haga reir. : Camino Moria - El Reno Renardo
Día 26 - Una canción que sepas tocar. : W.A. Mozart, Rondo alla turca
Día 27 - Una canción que te gustaria poder tocar. : L.v. Beethoven, Sonata para piano nº14 "Claro de luna" mvt.3
Día 28 - Una canción que te haga sentir culpable. : Forever - Papa Roach
Día 29 - Una canción de tu infancia. : Greensleeves
Día 30 - Tu canción favorita del ultimo año. : Fake It - Seether

NETR.